【Bawdy Tales of Edo: Octopus & Sea Shell】

It's that time of year again,Bawdy Tales of Edo: Octopus & Sea Shell when the technorati flock to see Apple's newest, weirdest and rose-goldest creations.

On Wednesday, Apple will host its third "special event" of 2016. This time, expectations are for a new iPhone -- iPhone 7 -- and maybe a few other surprises along the way.

Almost no matter where you are, you'll be able to stream the event -- as long as you're not an Android user.

Time/Place

You're going to want to be ready to go by 1 P.M. EDT on Wednesday, Sept. 7, 2016.

The event is taking place in San Francisco. Mashablewill be on the scene, and live blogging, and tweeting, and doing some Facebook Lives, and who knows what else. Yea, Snapchat too.

Computer

If you're hoping to catch a bit of the Apple event while at work, we totally understand. We'll be doing the same thing (although it iswork for us).

For folks with Apple computers, it's pretty easy. First thing you'll need is a little program called Safari. You can download it here, although if you have an Apple computer, you already have it.

Once you've got Safari fired up, click on over to this link. If you're a little early and really that desperate, there's even previous events that you can go back and relive (like when there were actually interesting products to debut).

Make sure you're updated to at least Safari version 6.0.5 and OS X 10.8.5.

If you're a PC person, you'll need to be running Windows 10 and have the Microsoft Edge browser. Anything older than that and you'll need to follow us on Twitter, which is probably preferable anyways.

Smartphone/Tablet

Looking to catch the event while on the move? Thanks to the magic of modern technology, that's totally doable -- as long as you're an Apple customer.

Much like on your computer, fire up the Safari app, which is the only way to watch the event. Once there, head on over to Apple.com/apple-events.

A heads up that you'll need to be on iOS 7.0 or above. Chance are you'll be OK on that (iOS is now up to 9.3.5), but there's a possibility you'll need to update first.

Android folks are out of luck.

Internet TV/Apple TV/OTT

If you've got Apple TV, you'll find a random app that's suddenly available -- Apple Events.

Click on that app and you'll be able to stream the show. You'll need to have a non-first generation Apple TV with software of at least version 6.2.

Uhm...."other" ways

You didn't hear this from us, but there's a few workarounds if you're really desperate.

If you just have to use chrome, you can download an extension that changes what kind of browser that Apple.com thinks you're using. Some extensions will let you pretend to be Safari, meaning you can then stream the event.

There's also VLC media player, which is one of the simpler and more versatile pieces of software out there. Download and install the player. Once you've got it installed and opened, click "media" and then "open network stream." Then go grab the URL (you should be able to find it online once the event has started) and plug it in.

(Editor: {typename type="name"/})